Monday, April 30, 2012

Being Me

I am nearing my six month blogging mark. I really cannot believe I have stuck with it. Even when my camera broke or I didn't really have all too much to say, I kept going. Of course there are some things I would like to change, but I got started and that is so good for me.

I started the blog for a couple of reasons. One was I wanted a place where I could come and be me and not be scared; I could say what was on my mind and in my heart. The other reason was to work through this journey of life and maybe meet some kindred souls who could help lift me up in times of fear and doubt and I could do the same for them.

For the most part I would say my thoughts have become realities. I am being authentic and have met people way beyond anything I ever would have imagined. Yet, sometimes I still feel chameleon like in some of my posts, trying to maintain a beige in order to blend in. I am not crazy about it, but it is what it is and being all forward and laying it all out there, is not me. Me is an onion, layer after layer, each one a little more complex. I do my very best to put as much of me as I can at the time into this space. It is sacred to me. It is my tool, carving through each layer to the core. A core I am excited to unearth and know.

I am going to really try to put more of myself into this space. And what better way to do so than to just lay some stuff out there. So here goes, it's one of those listy things...

50 things that contribute to my me-ness
1. I am just shy of 6 feet tall
2. I will listen to one CD on repeat for days
3. I have to make myself do a lot of things, like a a alot alot.
4. I love to plan parties
5. I love to be organized
6. I find it difficult to organize
7. As a little girl I dreamed of being a fashion designer and a magazine editor
8. As an adult I dreamed of being a interior decorator and a boutique owner
9.  I am none of the above
10. I used to play guitar and write my own music
11. I cannot stand hot weather
12. I used to love to cook
13. After 7 years, I still haven't found a way to blend Jess Jess with mommy Jess.
14. I would love to be a self-sustainable family
15. I work better in a group
16. I have no close girl friends
17. I am very close to my sisters, they don't have kids yet.
18. I love coffee
19. And pie I love that too
20. I am a recovering perfectionist
21. I am a smart-ass and pretty goofy
22. I have depression and anxiety
23. I love thrifting 
24. I love spray paint
25. I am kinda stubborn, but only if I am right ;)
26. I love music, all music. I don't listen to country, I respect it but won't listen to it UNLESS its Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash, bluegrass is not country. 
27. My favorite t.v. show ever is Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman (I still watch it in re-runs)
28. I am addicted to pondering
29. I am attempting to write a children's book
30. I am an empath and highly sensitive
31. So I sew, kinda
32. I very much hoard fabric
33. I get to be married to one of the coolest guys I know
34. I don't meditate enough
35. I am starting a mediation routine (I think)
36. I love the smell of patchouli, lavender and rosemary not necessarily together
37. I am way too hard on myself
38. I love blue jeans
39. So far I only like peppermint tea and I like it a lot
40. I have two tattoos, one to remind me of heart the other to remind me of strength, I plan on getting                    one more to remind me of our clan
41. I drink red whine
42. this was my high school basketball number
43. Whiteelk comes from my married name and maiden name
44. I love twinkle lights
45. I read way more, new age and self help books, than really good books.
46. I am working on a more balanced library
47. I am working on balance, period.
48. The only veggie I won't eat is broccoli
49. I don't eat red meat
50. I am always trying to find the good. 


  1. I will do the very same thing with music- if I hear an album I like I will listen over and over for a day or so.... Pandora stations have helped me get into a "genre" for the day or so and branch out a bit

    I'd like to hear more about your love for spray paint.... I was just thinking about what I could do with spray paint in terms of cool art/design projects

    bluegrass is a completely separate beast than country music, INDEED. I quite enjoy the former, the latter makes me gag more often than not. We have LOTS of bluegrass here in western NC

    if addicted to pondering is anything like 'can't turn off the dang brain', I've got that too ;)

    which brings me to your #35...... something I too have been intending to do but not acting on for way too long


  2. i've really enjoyed sharing in your life and thoughts Jess. you come across as authentic (and that still has boundaries - online authenticity is just not going for BS), and i appreciate your willingness to look at and share the dark and light, as well as your vulnerability in your journey.

    i especially feel a kindred spirit in you in the way you desire to grow, and in your conflicting feelings in motherhood.

    how come you no longer enjoy cooking?
    wow, you tower over me! lol i'm 5'4"
    totally with you on empath and HSP

    hope you'll continue to stick around and that blogging serves a purpose for you :)

    1. cooking used to be an indulgence for me. I would get lost in creating recipes and tweaking. since becoming a mom, cooking has become more of a chore, with picky eaters likes and dislikes and constant interruptions, well its become overwhelming. I am hopeful one day I will reignite that love for cooking, until then I let the hubs do a lot :)

  3. Oh Jess! Thank you for list! I love learning more about you and who is behind this lovely blog. I had no idea you've only been blogging for 6 months, my word~ please don't stop! You have a gift!

  4. This is a great list and I'm glad to know you better. I think if we met in person we would hit it off splendidly :)

  5. I'm so grateful to have connected with you through this space, and I hope you'll continue to gain enough from it to make it worth continuing.

    That picture of you is gorgeous, and I loved learning tidbits about you from your list. I was surprised by how much of it describes me as well - I'm right there with on the organization thing in particular. I absolutely love being organized, but I'm terrible at actually getting to an organized state. Perhaps one day...

  6. Loved reading this list and learning more about you! Can't wait to see how this space develops for you, how you grow and blossom.

    I'm only 5'3". Country is forbidden in this house, with the exception of Nelson and Cash. I love folk, and will listen to the same cd/artist over and over. I have no close girlfriends, either. One sister - not too close. Patchouli and lavender smell great together - one of my fave combos. Writing a children's book - how fantastic! Oh, fabric. I love fabric!!!


  7. What a wonderful list, what a great thing to write and share here.
    I share lots of these things.. except I get migraines so don't go anywhere near coffee or red wine, I've never been a perfectionist, I don't have any tattoos, I'm 5'7", I played netball not basketball and I love broccoli, especially the stem!
    Keep up the blogging, I only just found you and you seem really real and good to me.x

  8. loved reading through this list, nodding my head and saying, "me too!" great list and we have so much in common.

    btw, my first ever concert (i was in elementary school) was willie nelson and kris kristofferson. not sure why my mom and the stepmonster took me but they did and i loved it. still a huge willie fan to this day. he played here in town just after i gave birth and i was sad to miss him.

    1. OMG! Willie and Kris that would be a dream come true for me! I have only seen Willie once and he was awesome. He just played song after song after song no breaks. I was amazed!

  9. sweet. you sound like a person I would want to have a glass of red wine with.

  10. Carry on just 'being you' - it is refreshing to read about truths, and downs as well as ups! Your blog is inspiring - well done for reaching your first 6 months, looking forward to the next. x

  11. I had a major crush of Willie Nelson when I was 7 or 8 years old. Until I saw his movie Honeysuckle Rose in which he cheated on his wife. Took me a long time to forgive him for that, LOL. Glad to get to know you a little better. We actually have a LOT in common. Hope you are having a joyful May Day.

  12. Congrats on the 6 months! I too like planning parties and pie, especially pie parties.


Thank you so much for bringing your energy! It fills me up to see your comments xoxo