Dec. 1st and expectations

Someone once told me that you favorite childhood book was a reflection of the issues you would face as an adult. This just so happens to be true for me. My favorite book was Betty Bear's Birthday by Gyo Fujikawa

 Little Betty Bear is so sad because she is expecting her friends to know it's her birthday, but they all rush off and no one wishes her a happy birthday. Well wouldn't you know it, they all have set up a surprise party for her and she ends up having a more wonderful birthday than see imagined.

This has been the story of my life, having an idea about how something is going to be and then being totally devastated when it doesn't "work out" (My poor parents, my poor husband)

This psychosis seems to be heightened around the holidays. Perhaps because there is the added stress of my birthday which happens to be on the 24th. (My poor parents, my poor husband) Despite years of promising I would have no expectations, I don't think a holiday has gone by without a me having some sort of breakdown. I feel trapped in Betty Bears story never making it to the wonderful party page.

So, today being the first of December I am not pledging to give up any expectations, but to do what I should have done long ago... to have faith. To have faith that everything is happening as it should. That the most important thing is keeping the holiday spirit regardless of what is going on around me. The spirit is what I will remember, it is what my children will remember. Not that these boxes have been in my living room for two weeks or that our lights weren't up and ready to be lit at a lighting ceremony complete with hot chocolate and cookies. 

So here we go December, I am determined to enjoy you! There will be glitches, it won't go as planned, but it will be exactly what our spirits need and that is "perfect"