Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I have a torrid love affair with my ego. I try to escape her tight grasp in order to enjoy my life, to not be yanked and pulled into dark places I do not want to go. Each time I pull away she finds me and wraps herself around much tighter than the time before. Sometimes she is comforting, in her familiar way. Luring me with the promises of effortless ways and numbness of not being self-aware. Oh it is tempting, so very tempting.

I have read many Buddhist books, and practice many of their teachings and even though I believe what they say. Their principles sat with me; they did not penetrate. My ego thinks way too much to let that happen.

It took the near death of my father to finally figure it out. Funny how near death does that, maybe its the rawness of the situation. Anyway, I realize it is not about escaping my ego, she will always be there. I must acknowledge her, but not let her sweep me off my feet. I must be bulletproof. 
"Nice try, Ego! Good shot. But this time baby I will be bulletproof"


  1. Love the song, love your words about ego, love that we don't have to listen AT ALL!! It's like shooing that noisy girl to the corner and saying--"I hear ya, but not now please.."
    Good for you Mama!!

  2. i tend towards taoism, and the thinking is that ego is always there. it is after all only a concept. ego = self-awareness. without ego we are not human.
    and rather than fight it, try to transcend it, hate it, constantly battle it.... etc etc, we accept it. it's in full acceptance, in non-striving, that we shift things. i guess it's that all the above is ego driven. trying to defy or win over the ego is ego-driven striving! ironic huh?
    with simple awareness, mindfulness, we naturally not over-identify with ego.

    1. You are so right, Mon! How egotistical to think we can win over ego. I am really learning about acceptance and the freedom it entails!

  3. "Bulletproof" ....cool way to describe the "deeper self."
    It is that. Always.
    And Mon hit it on the head. I think. In acceptance we can see that truly: "it's ok."
    And I never got a whole lot from Buddhism either. I was a yoga teacher for many years and a student of yoga for almost 20 years and I look back and laugh at so much of the "stuff" (that's my nice word) that gets impressed upon a person when they choose to go down that path of education.
    I think a lot of it actually can take one away from the whole point- to live more simply.
    Yeah, I was never more ego- absorbed and confused than when I was trying to follow someone else's idea of "religion."



Thank you so much for bringing your energy! It fills me up to see your comments xoxo