The Bear's Den...

I have always felt as though I think differently from most, and growing up in a small North Georgia town, it was obvious. It was not really the place to be a free and deep thinker. So I tucked that part of myself away, in order to make it through middle and high school and "fit in".

When I became a mama, that tucked away self began seeping through cracks created by insecurity in motherhood and postpartum depression.  I turned thirty while pregnant with my first daughter, and I could hold back no longer. My "true" self came rushing through every pore of my body. It hurt. It was liberating, enlightening.

I was unsure of how to be this freed self. I felt alienated from those who didn't not share my beliefs as I was constantly berated, questioned and turned defensive. I became reclusive. The longer I was in my own world the harder and harder it was to be in the collective world. I developed a social phobia.

image: blackbird letterpress

During a conversation with my aunt last night, she reassured me of my gifts and reminded me we all have a Bear period. We all go through phases where we must "go inside" and be quiet. We may not create as much as we would like, words and images might escape us. We may not be able to connect with others as well as we used to. Its ok. Sometimes we just gotta hibernate, it too is a part of the life cycle.

I have spent many a moons hibernating. My cub bearing days are over and spring is right around the corner.  I feel as though it might be time for this Mama Bear to wake up, saunter out and settle into her new self.