Monday, March 12, 2012

The Bear's Den...

I have always felt as though I think differently from most, and growing up in a small North Georgia town, it was obvious. It was not really the place to be a free and deep thinker. So I tucked that part of myself away, in order to make it through middle and high school and "fit in".

When I became a mama, that tucked away self began seeping through cracks created by insecurity in motherhood and postpartum depression.  I turned thirty while pregnant with my first daughter, and I could hold back no longer. My "true" self came rushing through every pore of my body. It hurt. It was liberating, enlightening.

I was unsure of how to be this freed self. I felt alienated from those who didn't not share my beliefs as I was constantly berated, questioned and turned defensive. I became reclusive. The longer I was in my own world the harder and harder it was to be in the collective world. I developed a social phobia.

image: blackbird letterpress

During a conversation with my aunt last night, she reassured me of my gifts and reminded me we all have a Bear period. We all go through phases where we must "go inside" and be quiet. We may not create as much as we would like, words and images might escape us. We may not be able to connect with others as well as we used to. Its ok. Sometimes we just gotta hibernate, it too is a part of the life cycle.

I have spent many a moons hibernating. My cub bearing days are over and spring is right around the corner.  I feel as though it might be time for this Mama Bear to wake up, saunter out and settle into her new self.


  1. i had a similar experience after having my girl.birthing does this to many women, in very different ways of course. but if something needs birthing, it kinda gets pushed out with the baby as it were!

    i found i could no longer accept a half life. why i accepted for so long seems unthinkable knowing what a strong woman i am. and yet even i accepted less for myself.

    and i was a fierce bear awakened when it happened! lol
    i can laugh now but it was a horrid but necessary time for our family. we are all better for it.

    online friends made an enormous difference. unlike our offline lives, here we can connect to those who truly understand us or even who challenge us, but in real authentic ways.

    anyway,enjoy the spring re-awakening!

  2. I knew you would get me Monica! Yes, i whole-heartily believe this blog and the amazing people I have met have been the catalyst needed to bring about the shift, so thank you friend!

  3. yep, that's just what happened to me last week.
    I don't know why part of me forgets sometimes that being "inward" (to put it pleasantly) is a wrong thing.
    You are perfectly right with your post. Good for you.
    And I love love love love the image.

    1. Isn't the image killer?! Her art is really neat.
      I think all too often we are so hard on ourselves, thinking "hard" times are things to overcome instead of be with. I am believing this more and more everyday.
      p.s. can't wait for Thrifty Thursday!

  4. Ah, this is the perfect thing for me to read today. I have been feeling very bear-like and have not allowed myself to fully embrace it. Such good things can come when we accept and appreciate our own life cycle! I know you'll have some wise things to share as you embrace your spring. xoxo

  5. I feel it is so critical, especially as mamas, to be gentle with ourselves and realize even so-called "negative" things are beneficial IF we allow them to be. I have to be reminded of this every now and then. xo


Thank you so much for bringing your energy! It fills me up to see your comments xoxo