my morning message

Staring out my kitchen window this morning, I was blessed to see a messenger. Turtle stopped in her journey across my yard and let me take a picture to show the boys when they get home from school. She also stayed with me for awhile, moving her head ever so slightly while her mouth moved up and down. The little mystic girl in me totally believes she was talking to me.

"Pssst..."

Cave in

So I finally caved in. I gave up  let go of self-imposed goals expectations (there is a huge difference you know). I went inside my den, hulled up with my cubs and mate and recharged. The deep recharge only a hibernation can facilitate.

I feel tremendous changes stirring. I hope to share them, but I can't promise when or even if. Well damn! What kind of blog is this?! - A real one.

Happy Friday and much love to you guys! xo

path

So I kinda found this path to travel. It is narrow, only wide enough for one to walk and that is unsettling. I hear my loves behind me cheering me on, but I can only do this on my own.

I am uncomfortable and scared as shit. Themes which have ruled my life for the past few years. And as I take these first steps in a new direction, towards purpose and alignment those same fears rise up.

I choke them back again and again, call on my bear guide and step forward. Tip toe, tip toe.....

Mr. Rabbit

A rabbit showed up this morning, caught him in the corner of my eye. He stopped, looked at me as I turned to confirm that he was indeed there. Then in a hop, hop, hop he disappeared into the bushes. I am a firm believer in animal medicine, have been since I was little. I can remember looking up what seeing this animal or that animal meant in my parents' Sun Bear book. It made sense to me, we are given signs constantly. We have just distracted ourselves with so many other things, things that don't matter, that we don't always see our signs. Even worse, sometimes I think we stop receiving signs all together, because we have ignored them for so long.

I have been distracted lately and frustrated. My creative outlet has been null and void so yeah I have been a yucky human being. Still not a good excuse, but it happens. I started believing the art was gone and I needed to be ok with that. Then my heart hurt, literally and my hands tingled, for two days. sidenote: I usually have physical reaction to stress. When I woke up this morning I knew I couldn't give up my art, silly of me to even entertain the idea, it is a part of who I am. I just have to adjust my view (which I am not good at).

Then my rabbit showed up. Mr. Rabbit full of magic, luck and creativity. Reminding me to be agile and positive on my path. Yes, don't give up just keep hopping.

p.s. the bunny got away before I could snap his picture. I have been hanging onto this post all day waiting to find, draw, capture the right rabbit picture. It didn't happen and as much as it makes me uncomfortable to post without image, I feel as though I need to post this now and that's what I got to go with. You guys know what a rabbit looks like, right? ;)

The Bear's Den...

I have always felt as though I think differently from most, and growing up in a small North Georgia town, it was obvious. It was not really the place to be a free and deep thinker. So I tucked that part of myself away, in order to make it through middle and high school and "fit in".

When I became a mama, that tucked away self began seeping through cracks created by insecurity in motherhood and postpartum depression.  I turned thirty while pregnant with my first daughter, and I could hold back no longer. My "true" self came rushing through every pore of my body. It hurt. It was liberating, enlightening.

I was unsure of how to be this freed self. I felt alienated from those who didn't not share my beliefs as I was constantly berated, questioned and turned defensive. I became reclusive. The longer I was in my own world the harder and harder it was to be in the collective world. I developed a social phobia.

image: blackbird letterpress

During a conversation with my aunt last night, she reassured me of my gifts and reminded me we all have a Bear period. We all go through phases where we must "go inside" and be quiet. We may not create as much as we would like, words and images might escape us. We may not be able to connect with others as well as we used to. Its ok. Sometimes we just gotta hibernate, it too is a part of the life cycle.

I have spent many a moons hibernating. My cub bearing days are over and spring is right around the corner.  I feel as though it might be time for this Mama Bear to wake up, saunter out and settle into her new self.