rise

I hate to admit it, but the majority of my time is spent feeling buried. Either under a pile of laundry, bills, unfinished home and personal projects, fatigue, the list literally goes on and on. I am constantly clawing my way out of this hole dug by illness, young and instant family, you know life. I get so bogged I forget. I forget I have the tools to rise up. Music has always been magic, a tool that sparks my light in the darkest, deepest times and carries me to another place. Whether it's listening or playing I am always lifted. When I play, I feel "tapped in" to the Divine, the songs are not mine I am only the instrument. So I must play everyday. Period.

Earth walking

Papa always told me "You are a spirit being having a human experience, Sweet P" This is my thread; it runs through every cell in my body. All my thoughts and beliefs have stemmed from this one statement; it colors all my choices. How do I exist here in this form and honor my spirit and The Spirit at the same time?


Work. Work? Shit! No, I know its work, but geeze it's like all the freakin' time! 

You got to train, Jess. Seriously. If you were going to  had to run a marathon you would train. You would do what it took and make yourself do it. Every day, every time choose to be happy. Choose to be ok. Choose to remember you are spirit and this time you are here as Jess with all her ego driven outlooks and bleeding heart. Daughter, Sister, Mate, Mother, Earth Walker.

sending love and prayers to those affected by Storm Sandy xo

p.s. those in the U.S. please don't let your voice be silenced. VOTE even if you vote no confidence. xo

alive

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

Toadstool jumping...

He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg

                                                                                           ~Chinese Proverb

Anyone else's leg tired? 

path

So I kinda found this path to travel. It is narrow, only wide enough for one to walk and that is unsettling. I hear my loves behind me cheering me on, but I can only do this on my own.

I am uncomfortable and scared as shit. Themes which have ruled my life for the past few years. And as I take these first steps in a new direction, towards purpose and alignment those same fears rise up.

I choke them back again and again, call on my bear guide and step forward. Tip toe, tip toe.....

floating

This week I have been quiet and in transition. Trying to figure out where I am going. Only to let go and float. Float to someplace higher. 

What a glorious ride when we let go and ride life like a feather at mercy yet with purpose.

I have watched your triumphs and valleys and went up and down with you in each one, quietly. I am thinking I will be back on Monday, but we shall see where this ride will take me. Higher? Could be. Grounded with a new perspective? Quite possibly. Much love to you sweets,  I am with you and I enjoy every word.

together

I truly believe we are all in this together, this world, this life, manifesting our destinies under and over each other. As an empath, I feel this connection deeply and it sways me. Yet the most powerful feeling to me is that most don't feel this connection and treat each other with such disdain and judgement. Creating fears and insecurities, stripping sweet little souls of their ability to connect and sing their heart song. My number one mama job is to help my children always hear their heart song and trust it. 

I have long been a fan of Lunch with Bokara. Her willingness to help open people's minds and hearts is a gift. This is one of my favorite episodes, yes it is a little long but it is full of information. Community. Community can be a saving grace, if we see each other as an asset and not a threat. Let's help each other find, use and honor our purpose, whatever it may be.

I am loving this blogging community. How we are here for each other, never met, never judging ever loving...

For Real

Almost out of the jungle. My husband has been out of town since early Sunday morning and, though I have had tons of family help and support, I still feel as though I am coming undone. I have tremendous respect for single parents and those who do the traveling or military spouse on a regular basis. This has been a very trying time and may have been the thing that nudged me closer to outside intervention for my anxieties. We shall see...

Unraveling

no me time

no sleep

yelling

kicking the shit out of a cabinet

hurting my foot (karma)

my very first experience with the terrible two's 

not being able to comment on some of my favorite blogs

dragging kids out to store only to forget the thing we went for

no milk

Stitched

watching the Owl's pre-school program

meals cooked by family

love, love, love

my boys steppin up 

my papa getting stronger

music

forgiveness

surviving

D will be back this afternoon. I plan to hug his neck and then jump in the car and flee. NO I am only kidding (kinda) Hope you guys have a wonderful Mother's Day Weekend. I am taking the two days off. I think I kinda earned it :) 

Joining Monica for Keeping it Real 

Keeping the charge

I think energy is super important. The kind we emit and the kind we receive. I personally am very sensitive to energy, bad energy can really throw me for a loop. Like put me in a major funk or the bed kind of loop.  I was recently reminded, thanks to my science-minded husband, that energy is made up of these little thingys called atoms. And guess what? They are made up positive, negative and neutrally charged particles. Yep. Positive AND negative particles. It requires both to keep a balance. To have a charge.

"So does that mean that positive energy has negatively charged particles and negative energy has positive charged particles?"  I wonder. Wow, this is a little deep for my mama-drained brain at 10:00 at night. 

Anyway, it also appears to me, that in the energy/scientific world, positive is just positive, and negative is just negative. Nothing more, tis what it tis. What?! Negative is not bad, its just the opposite of positive?
Now I am not saying there isn't a difference in bad energy and good energy. I think there is. What I am saying, if the negative must exist with the positive, you know that whole yin yang thing, instead of trying to avoid it ALL the time (like I do because its bad) I should be with it. That I should be an observer of the negative stuff and try not to be yanked around by it. When I am constantly fighting (which in itself is bad energy) the negative, it makes my life much worse. I do the whole punishing myself thing for not being happy, or thankful or positive.
Some people can do the whole only focus on the positive and it works for them (lucky dogs), for me personally, I need to achieve balance by honoring both the positive and the negative sides of my life. To soak up the positive and not judge the negative (eloquently put by this smart mama) and stay centered regardless.

Keeping the charge

Negative

getting off bedtime routines

a baby that doesn't nap

no mama and daddy time

earaches, fevers and  dr. visit 

not enough veggies
exhaustion
lack of fuel for my passions

Positive

unexpected weeknight help

Little Bird sharing a new word every day

a welcome home BBQ for my dad (complete with fireworks)

extra love from my boys

successful trip to town

cool spring breezes
a sister dream possibly coming to fruition

I was inspired to do this last week by Monica, and this week she is sharing her highs and lows. I think this will be a great exercise for me.  Seeing what I have gone through and remembering all the highlights that occurred, hopefully will be very empowering.